some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
