i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
