Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
