Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
