Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
