last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
