Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize