He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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