He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
