Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
