I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
