I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
