so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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