yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
