Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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