Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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