I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
