No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
