I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
