My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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