Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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