when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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