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• (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  why would you automatically assume i'm high...

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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• (408): View more from California

  Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode

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• (206): View more from Washington

  The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Sex in the backyard? Check.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.

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