We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
