He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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