Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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