dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
