A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
