just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize