I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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