Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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