I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
