At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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