I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
