So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
