I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
