It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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