Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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