A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
