Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
