i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
