I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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