BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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