i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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