Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
