Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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