Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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