Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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