Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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