I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
