Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
