wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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