I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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