Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
