if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
