Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
