His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
