for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your penis caused this!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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