That's when you crack a 10am beer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
