So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
