You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
