Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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