just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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