Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's always time for handjobs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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