I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
